The Route to Forgetting
by meli-fan
Summary: It's hard to be in love with your best friend's girl. Even more when she's such an important part of your life that it's imposible to just forget about her. ONE-SHOT based on a prompt by GoingVintage. Rated M for Puck's language.


**A.N.:** Based on an idea that GoingVintage had and posted on tumblr.

I apologize for any spelling or grammatical mistake

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Glee.

"My fellow glee clubbers this is a list I've made of the songs we should sing this year as a farewell to us, the senior member…."

Fuck this shit. He's pretty sure she's gonna put some sappy song like Forever Young or some lame anthem to youth and friends and shit like that. If it were up to him he would sing some song which said 'fuck-yeah-I'm-finally getting-out-of-this-boring-hellhole'.

Whatever.

He's gonna sing whatever she wants to sing because he barely cares about that kind of stuff. He _does_ care about glee, but he honestly doesn't mind which song they're doing as long as they don't suck while doing them.

Of course at the end of the year they will end up writing an original song about beautiful memories of high school and honestly? That is bullshit because half the people in this club bullied the other half for pretty much the four years of high school.

(Even Mike made fun of Asian Chick at some point even if he denies it now. Yeah, nice try Other Asian, we all know who was the first guy to support him in his master plan of egging all the losers' houses at the beginning of sophomore year and it wasn't Finnesa.)

So yeah, Rachel is saying some bullshit now that he doesn't care about so he just focuses on, you know, her legs 'cause of course she's wearing one of _those_ skirts she always manages to put on without causing a heart attack to her dads. He's being blatantly obvious but she's ignoring his ogling because she can't say 'don't stare at my legs, Noah' in front of her boy toy.

Yeah, he's staring at his best friend's girlfriend's legs. Sue him. It's the only rewarding he gets from all the shit he does for her: To stare at her legs without her admonishing him in front of her gigantous boyfriend.

Rachel finishes her speech and goes sit next Finn, resting her head on his shoulder while they hold hands. He ignores that stupid thingy he feels in his chest whenever he sees the so-called power couple.

He honestly can't believe they think they will make it past this year. Obviously Finn has no plans or any means to get out of Lima (fine, he'll give him some credit, he may be able to get out of Lima but not from Ohio) and Rachel is clearly not giving up on her New York dreams. She better _not_ give up those dreams or he (and Kurt) are gonna go ballistic.

She's probably the only one of this group who is actually going to achieve all the things she wants and she better fight for it.

Yeas, he cares. He has cared for a long time (not that she notices or anything) about the brown eyed girl. You know, sometime he has cared more than her own boyfriend. Whatever, it has to be that way. Jews has to stick together.

(Yes, he's trying to Jedi mind-trick himself into believing all he feels is just a product of their shared religion.)

He can't fully appreciate her mile-long legs from where his seated anymore so he focuses on Brittany's dancer legs while trying to ignore the sound of telling them they have to embarrass themselves every time they see one of those fucking _purple_ pianos.

He's gonna pay a visit to the nurse today. A long visit, that is. can't put one of those purple pianos inside her office so, you know, his plan is flawless.

However, when Rachel is trying to force them to sing in the middle of the fucking cafeteria he can't say no. Basically because he's crazy stupid about her.

But he does object (half-heartedly) because he's a badass and he can't just follow orders from a midget without looking like Finnesa.

*/*

Quinn looks hot.

(Not as much as Rachel in that teeny tiny green dress but still)

Just because he's totally into the brunette doesn't mean his dick is gonna just ignore Quinn's tattoo and all that "I-don't-give-a-fuck" looks she's throwing around.

And since his dick hasn't had much action since he fucked Mrs. Shepard in her white Egypt cotton sheets, he's thinking he will show Quinn how a bad girl behaves on school. And what a skank does in the janitor closet.

Conclusion. This whole bad girl act is not gonna last long because Quinn is basically just pretending she doesn't give a fuck about anything when she, in fact, does give a shit.

Basically, her 'skank'-innes only goes as far as smoking and some mild vandalism, 'cause she will not lose her "born again" virginity with him.

He knew she was too linked with her beliefs to actually go through with what a skank would do. She's not fucked up enough to be like the other girls she's hanging around with. So she has her issues with the world, big deal. She should face them and be herself instead of trying to pretend to be something she's not.

He knows it sound too deep but is the fucking true. He _knows_ her. She's the mother of his child and he knows she truly believes in chastity and all that shit and if she wants to play bad girl for a while she can do it but in the end she's still going to buy dresses and try to be perfect like she always has tried to be.

Whatever, there's still a ton of Cheerios he can fuck while Rachel holds hand with her boyfriend and pretends Finn is much better than him.

(He's gonna admit that this wave of rejections is getting to him and now he sounds like a pussy whining about not being loved back.)

*/*

Beth is beautiful. Actually, Beth is perfect. She's blonde and cute and completely flawless.

He will kiss the ground Shelby walks on if she really does let him be a part of the girl's life.

He loves what the girl does to him, it's like… she gives him purpose to be better and all that shit.

And then Quinn comes with this crazy idea of getting full custody, is she an _idiot_? Does she not remember all the reasons they gave up Beth in the first place.

If he could take care of Beth and be her dada he would do it but the truth is he's a teenager with no job and his family isn't rich or something so Beth must stay with the person who can take care of her: Shelby.

Even though it was an amazing week for him, he knew is must have been a shitty one for Rachel so he decided to act like the good Jew he was an drove her back home from synagogue after buying her a Slushie. They watched West Side Story and talked about Shelby. He let her say all the crap she needed to get out of her system and when the waterworks stated he just put Funny Girl in the DVD player and let her lay her head on his shoulder while she sang in the lowest voice he has ever heard her use.

Even thought he's happy, the fact that she's so miserable makes him kinda sad. Yeah, he cares about her _that_ much.

*/*

He knows he's a goner the minute he slips inside Ashley Wesley and all he can picture is Rachel's eyes whenever his tongue finds its way into her mouth. In fact, her name might even have slipped past his lips but Ashley couldn't care less. All she really cares about is forgetting her douche of a (ex) boyfriend.

So yeah, he loves Rachel but at the same time he's so mad at her for not noticing that it almost doesn't feel like love. Like every time he sees her (and by extension, her stupid boyfriend) all he sees is red because well, shit, how can she be so freaking blind?

He's like, ten thousand times better than her boyfriend and she's just so oblivious. He knows she's not stupid (seriously, a relationship can only take a certain amount of stupidity and Finn files that part on his own) and she's totally wise in the whole feelings thing but she just can't see…

And the she's cornering him and going all 'Noah why are you ignoring me? You haven't tried to distract me in service or tried to steal my homework, what's going on?" and really?

How can a person be so blind? Or you know borderline stupid?

Apparently you _can_ because she just kisses him on the cheek and waves goodbye with something like "hope whatever is bothering you ends soon" and fuck, does she have to be so lovely? And irritatingly blind at the same time?

He ends up finger fucking Santana in her car during lunch hour.

(Girl's kind of allergic to dicks now. Whatever, at least she's not rejecting _him_)

But he still can't get Rachel's smile when she waved him goodbye out of his head.

Like many other nights, he ends up dreaming of her when he goes to sleep.

*/*

Senior year is difficult. Like, he knows he's not gonna graduate unless he puts some effort into it. So he needs some tutoring in Maths (which he just started attending, thank you very much) and English.

That's where Artie and Rachel come in.

Fine whatever, Artie is cool and all but Rachel?

Rachel is gonna be a problem.

Their tutoring sessions are a torture. They are close friends, close enough that she can go up to his room and just lie in his bed next to him while they study. He really tries to focus in whatever she's saying but the way her lips move and all the amount of leg on display keeps distracting him.

And when his gets his fist grades and English is as shitty as ever, he tries to hide it from her but she corners him and pouts until she _knows_ he's gonna give in. When she sees the mark, she just gets this determinate look on her face and tells him that from now on they're gonna work harder.

They start studying in the dinner table without music in the background.

(He doesn't know if the reason truly is the fact that "the comfyness of the bed distracts him" or if she noticed the way he always stared at her like an idiot for the whole time.)

*/*

If there's one shit that bothers him about Finn being his best friend (besides the fact that he can't make a move on Rachel) is that he must listen to him talk about their relationship. He can't deny the fact that Finn is actually an awesome best friend; He has forgiven him for a lot of shit and totally listen to him whenever he bitches about his mom or his grades.

And honestly, he really fucking _wants_ to be a good friend. He wants to be able to help Finn with his relationship problems or be able to smile whenever the dude is telling him something awesome about Rachel and pat his back and say something along the lines of 'good for you, bro'. But he can't. And it sucks.

Especially because there are moments, like when Finn explains why he's waiting for Rachel instead of pressuring her for sex (because he loves her) or when dude is bummed because he knows that their relationship is doomed to end when she goes to New York, when he realizes that Finn is actually a nice guy and not a total douche to Rachel.

And you know, like he said he's a good friend. The kind of friends who has doesn't whine when you cancel Call of Duty night because you gotta study or listens to you complain about your mother and how she doesn't understand you without calling you a pussy. A person only has a handful of good friends through their lives and he knows better than to screw things up with Finn again.

He really really wishes he could be a better bro to his bro and he honestly tries. But then he finds Rachel upset about something Finn said and he can't help but love the smile she gives him when he sings to her and buys her a Slushie. And when she tells him how amazing he is and how much potential he has, he must do an enormous effort not to kiss her.

*/*

Quinn is a fucking idiot an if she wasn't a chick he would kick her ass so badly she could never bewitch another guy in that wicked way she does.

First time she gave up Beth he totally understood. They couldn't take care of her and they'd be shitty parents and all. He got it, he didn't ge mad at her and everything was cool.

But now? She screwed up badly. Shelby hates them because Quinn is and idiot with wicked plans and seriously, what a bitch! He hates her so much that not even booze can get the hate out of his fucking system. As soon as Finn picks him up from the park where he's drinking he passes out.

Shelby was very clear: She wants them away from her daughter. She's going back to New York and it's gonna forget all about Lima and the two of them.

He wakes up the next afternoon in his room with a trash can next to his bed and a glass of water on his bedside table.

And seven missed calls from Shelby.

Turns out Rachel talked to her. About how this was probably all Quinn's idea and how much he loved Beth and how he deserved to be part of his daughter life. So Shelby decided to still go to New York, but she's willing to skype with him so that Beth can remember him and she said he's welcome to visit them whenever he wants.

And even if a big part of him is eternally grateful towards her and he hugs her until she can't breath, another part of him wishes she wasn't so nice so it would be easier to just forget about her but he can't and it sucks. It really sucks.

*/*

Rachel and Finn break up. It happens after the whole glee club attacks Rachel for writing a song with her as a lead. He's the only one who defends her while Finn shuts up.

He's gonna be honest: It's probably stupid of Rachel to write more song with her as a lead because she knows everyone hates when she does that but, whatever. He's like the only loyal and true friend she has so she's gonna defend her. Also, he owns her for keeping Beth in his life.

That afternoon, Rachel calls him and tells him the news. First she asks "Noah, can you come over please?" before she starts crying and informs her (between hiccups) about her new single status.

He buys her vegan ice-cream.

He watches Funny Girl AND The Way We Were.

He sings to her while she cries (which happens after both movies end)

He helps her bake vegan cookies.

He actually listens to her complain about every single thing in her life.

However, next Monday when they go back to school, she walks hand in hand with Finn and seriously?

He's done with her.

He's always gonna be the friends and Finns I always gonna be the boyfriend, no mutter how much better he is.

*/*

Rachel stops tutoring him, he tells her he needs a more relaxed teacher and even though she makes a sad face he puts on a firm face and tells her she "fired".

They hardly talk afterwards.

The months pass and suddenly high school is ending and he starts thinking about what the fuck he's gonna do once he finally gets the hell out of Lima.

He's not gonna lie, New York seems like a nice place. He has no intention of going to college (not there, not anywhere) but he knows life would be awesome there with all the stuff that happens in that city. Also, two very important girls will be there.

Rachel got into Juilliard and Tisch, but chose the second because according to her CAP21 is a much better option once you think about it.

Not that he hears that from her. He barely talks to her at all, but he and Finn are still together (seriously? How long are they gonna stretch that relationship?) and he repeats all that she says.

She seems happy with her decision. Well, he's pretty sure this must be pretty exciting for her, finally making the first part of her dream come true and establish herself in a New York-based prestigious school.

He's glad for her. He truly is.

And maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny chance for them in New York.

*/*

He could have enjoyed graduation. He was so tired and just so sick of school that this could have being one of the happiest days he had ever lived.

If it hadn't been for Finns words.

"Rachel and I are doing the long distance thing. It' gonna be hard and all with me here in Ohio and her in New York but we're gonna make it."

Fuck that.

Fuck them.

Fuck their stupid perfect relationship and fuck Rachel for never noticing he's much better than Finn.

Fuck fuck fuck.

It's graduation and he should be happy about the prospect of leaving this place but all he can do is stare at Rachel (who looks so terribly and hurtfully beautiful it should be illegal) and wonder why the hell does she does this to him? Why doesn't she see that Finn is not the one?

She gets her diploma and runs straight into her boyfriend's arms and no matter how much he longs to be the one to hold her he must accept the truth.

She's gonna stay with Finn. And if he goes to New York she will make it impossible for him to ignore her so he will be doomed to watch her be happy/ unhappy with his best friends.

Fuck that. He doesn't have to stand that shit. He can go wherever he wants to and not stand the painful Finchel show.

He's gonna go. Like now.

He knows there's something in her house because her parents invite him when he goes to talk to his ma but he's not gonna go.

He needs to forget all about her and go somewhere else. He gets home and even thought he can hear his ma and his sister chatting downstairs about how amazing the ceremony was the truth is he suffered all the way trough it.

He's done with that too. Suffering, longing for something he can't have, he's done with being called a Loser and he's done acting like a dumb idiot.

Between the money he made cleaning pools, his shift at Sheets-N-Things and some other activities he's got some good amount of cash. He'd probably had more if he stayed for the summer and worked a bit longer but he can't.

He packs his stuff, put his guitar inside its case and writes a letter to Rachel. His mom looks stunned when he makes it downstairs and the waterworks start immediately.

"Ma, I'm leaving."

She just stares at hi while Becca just throws herself at his legs and hugs him until he just picks her up and hugs her back. He's still holding her when his mom speaks up. "Now?"

"Yeah, I… It was going to happen anyway."

"But... Why now? I always knew you would leave but you just graduated Noah!"

"Listen, I know it sound stupid…"

"It does! Where are you even planning on going? Why are you doing this?"

He stares at her and he realizes that no matter how much a pain in the ass she is, his Ma knows him and he's gonna miss her like hell. So he puts his sister down (she immediately goes back to hug his legs) and holds his mother in the tightest embrace he has ever given anyone.

"I just… I need to forget for a while."

She doesn't ask him what he need to forget, even when he gives her the letter and tells her to give it to Rachel only if the girl comes looking for him.

She hugs him, makes him sandwiches, a bit more money and tells him she will still pay for his cell phone so he won't have excuse not to call her.

*/*

"She looked really sad when I told her you left, Noah. She cried a little but and she looked nervous and kinda confused. I told her just what happened, that you came here, packed you stuff and departed to nowhere. She gave this devastated look and asked me why you would do that. I told her what you told me about forgetting. She asked me if she could go up to your room and I let her, she came back downstairs with some papers and one of your Titans T-shirt but I didn't tell her anything. I just gave her the letter, a hug and made her promise to come see us before she goes to New York."

*/*

_Rach,_

_If you're reading this is probably because I'm not home, I'm probably driving in the middle of nowhere looking for some place that seems interesting enough to stay in. I don't have plans so you're allowed to go all crazy midget about my irresponsible ways or whatever._

_Thanks for being an awesome friend to me and my ma and my sister. If there's anything I could ask you is that you ask your parents to keep an eye on them. They probably don't even remember how to lock the door properly because I've being doing that kind of stuff for a long time. I'm not asking for __security guards but, well you know what I'm asking for, they're my girls and I want them to be safe._

_I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to you but well, I was kinda pissed. I think we both know what was going on here. Between the two of us._

_You're a smart girl and I was a really obvious guy. We could have been great but Finn was there and you love him. Its okay, I could love you even if you don't. Been doing it for a long time already, but there's only so much a guy can stand. I'm sorry it had to be like this but I don't wanna be next to you if you're going to keep that relationship. Sorry._

_You're awesome and super talented; I know you will make it. New York is gonna be your bitch._

_Maybe someday we'll see each other and you know, maybe then we will finally mend all this mess but before that happens I'm gonna try to not be a Lima Loser and you try to become a Broadway Star. Don't worry, I wont forget you; you're way too loud to be forgotten._

_See ya,_

_Noah._

**A.N:**I'm sorry they don't end up together! I could make a sequel if it's okay with GoingVintage because she's kinda the owner of this idea I guess…


End file.
